Here is the first song from AFP records -- and it's FREE! This is the funniest, warmest, sweetest -- most obscene -- song I have heard this year. I smiled all the way through since I knew every word was true. From Easy Bake oven to playing dead on the carpet at the Golden Globes in ten heartbreaking steps. This is Amanda Palmer's entire life in song. The perfect introduction to AFP for the young, innocent or doomed.
I am neither young or innocent... Doomed? Probably. I only heard of Amanda through my buddy Nicole a year or two ago. Evelyn Evelyn hasn't been off my stereo since I got it. That was released under an alias with Jason Webley since Amanda was under contract with a record company that, well... as she sang in "Please Drop Me" -- "I'm tired of sucking corporate dick. You don't get me..." Next time I will repost how she got to that point. It is amazing that the American dream for any recording artist (a contract with a major label) is now a nightmare.
As a child, Amanda use to get up in the middle of the night and pound on the family piano like a drunken monkey trying to open a coconut with a sledge hammer. She taped her first sessions on a cassette recorder -- but they were usually spoiled by her father screaming, “Amanda! Go to bed!”
As you read the lyrics below and gasp at their frankness, you might wonder what her parents would think of her today. She sang this song on a webcast last night. Time? Midnight -- at her parent's house. They were sound asleep. Amanda and her friends pounded away on a piano, pots and pans with that old child like excitement. The tension was amazing. When would her parent start screaming at her from the top of the stairs? Could they ground her -- even if she is in her thirties? But nothing happened.
As she sat hung over at the kitchen table the next morning, she looked over at her stepfather. His Wall Street Journal slowly came down, he looked at her and said, "Did you kids have fun last night?"
Amanda sank in her chair. She might be free of her mean record label. But she felt like a six year old.
“Do You Swear To Tell The Truth The Whole Truth And Nothing But The Truth So Help Your Black Ass”
By Amanda Fucking Palmer
when i was six years old my sister alyson
asked for a stove for her birthday
a miniature one you could actually cook with
and my mom was nice and she bought one
alyson needed a reason to bake something
barged in my room and she grabbed me
she said:
"i made a cake and we're going next door
to sam weinstein's and you're getting married"
the cake was burned
it tasted gross
she made me kiss him
on the mouth
now i am 33
unmarried happily
no plans in life and i'm planning to keep it that way
i do kissing with only one mission
do you like to kiss? then you have my permission
and i have already spent too much time
doing things i didn't want to
so if i just want to make out all the time
you can bet your black ass that i'm going to
when i was nine i was kind of a loser
the kids in my class didn't like me
melanie chow was the meanest of all
and my mom made me go to her party
nobody talked to me i sat there quietly
drawing with crayons on a napkin
a picture of melanie skewered with a pitchfork
her legs getting eaten by lions
the cake was good
i took some home
i had a party
in my room
now i have friends and i'm not such a loser
but i go to bars all alone and i sit there
and order red wine and i write and i like being alone around people
yes that's how i like it
and i've already spent too much time
doing things i didn't want to
so if i wanna sit here and write and drink wine
you can bet your black ass that i'm going to
yes i come here often
sure i'll have another one
yes i come here often
sure i'll have another one
but i don't have to talk to you
when i was 17 i was a blowjob queen
picking up tips from the masters
i was so busy perfecting my art i was clueless to what they were after
now i'm still a blowjob queen (far more selectively)
i don't make love now to make people love me
but i don't mind sharing my gift with the planet
we're all gonna die and a blowjob's fantastic
and
when i was 25 i was a rock star
but it didn't pay too well i had to strip on the side
of the road to get ready for shows and the cars driving by
baby they'd never know
what a bargain they'd gotten
and if i'm forgotten
i'm perfectly happy with all that has happened
and i still get laughed at but it doesn't bother me
i'm just so glad to hear laughter around me
and i've already spent too much time
doing things i didn't want to
so if i want to drink alone dressed like a pirate
or look like a dyke
or wear high heels and lipstick
or hide in a convent
or try to be mayor
or marry a writer
smoke crack and slash tires
make jokes you don't like
or paint ducks and retire
YOU CAN BET YOUR BLACK ASS THAT I'M GOING TO
released 06 April 2010
Written & Performed by Amanda Fucking Palmer
Featuring:
Amanda Palmer: ukulele & piano
Jason Webley: guitar
Sam Kulik: trombone
You may download the song directly from Amanda Palmer. You could be like her former record company and not pay her a cent. But you should -- and every cent will now go to Amanda F. Palmer.
Click here to get a free download right from Amanda.
You may read her open letter to her former record label here:
http://blog.amandapalmer.net/post/501070649/free-at-last-free-at-last-dear-roadrunner-records
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