Love Amongst the Torn Pages

Familiarity doesn't necessarily breed contempt --

unless you are dealing with someone who's contemptible.

I've been thinking about my book and wondering two things: what is my relation to the artists I interview and how many of my chapters will never be published? Answer: A. I'll tell you at the end... B. so far, two and a half.

Writing about artist by getting to know them is a doubled edge sword. On one hand, I am getting amazing access. On the other hand, I find out things I probably shouldn't. If I let those things be known -- I could get a lot of attention. So I check to make sure things are okay. In one case the artist was fine with the chapter, but I had to change her name. In other chapters, even changing the names won't help.

One missing chapter is magical, life affirming and just made me smile. It reminded me what true love should be -- but almost never is. A real Romeo and Juliet. Umm, well Juliet and Juliet but without the poison. Okay -- a little bit of bitterness in the cup. I was asked not to publish it or the drawing I did of the two women together. A drawing based on a song written by a famous songwriter and how that song brought the two women together.

I told the story to the songwriter and she was very moved. Whenever we chat the subject almost always turns to "the girls." She mocks them with, "You know what the good book says about them? They are soooo going to hell! Awww, but they are the cutest couple. I love them."

The last time the singer was in New York, she chatted with one of the girls; who is a student at college. After the concert they were going their separate ways. But the student heard familiar footsteps behind her. The singer was following her. Why? Well, she was wondering if the girl was okay? How was school going... is she eating enough? Probably not. The singer bought her a knish. Hesitantly, the student admitted she needed a job and was struggling. The singer would help find her a job.

What a great story. The songwriter is such a softie -- and she is right. Those two make the cutest couple. Someday you may read about it with all the names proudly in place... with warm details that would make a romance novel seem unsentimental. But most people don't know they are lovers. The world is still pretty hostile to what they feel deep inside. 

That is best expressed by what my buddy told me about the relationship; "My ex-boyfriend can parade an endless stream of vomitable pictures of him and his E-harmony bitch on Facebook and I can't post one of me and my sweetheart. It will cause my family and hers to die of shock. It is like it is a dirty little secret. It is just wrong." It is.

This morning I wrote about another love story that just made me so happy. I was over the moon when I heard about it. It was about someone who has had such hard luck with love finally finding it. I changed the names -- but try as I could, I realized I couldn't publish it. Both of them are famous and it isn't public knowledge that they are together.

I only found out about it when someone I know had dinner with them. One of them is a well known actress with a hit movie. She is getting romantic leads. If I make it known that she is seeing a woman -- it could hurt her career. She might not get those romantic leads with hunky guys (who are probably also gay) since the casting directors (who are also probably gay) will see her as "not right" for the role of a heterosexual.

I'd make an awful gossip writer, wouldn't I? I keep putting myself in the place of who I am writing about. I wonder how they would react when they read it. Anyway, love is so hard in the best of circumstances. The world doesn't need to get involved. Help it along, don't be the jerk who steps on it.

These lost chapters are great reads, not because I'm a competent writer -- but because these people are so charming, sweet and funny. You'd have to be a real creep not to melt at what they are going through and be on their side. They hardly seem a on an express elevator to hell, no matter what the good book says.  

I can see the e-mail someone will send me now; "Your role as a writer is to be a journalist and... an activist. Do the right thing and publish whatever you have learned. The truth will set everybody free." Umm, anyone who writes that is a lonely dickhead.

I know what is right: when in doubt, just do what a friend would do.

Photos by Kerry Nolte