Even Jews Get The Blues On Christmas

“Even Jews Get The Blues On Christmas”
by Michelle Lewis

[Michelle’s song has become one of my holiday favorites. That startled faces of the people as they open the door as I’m caroling is fantastic. It fits nicely into my “Sorry About Your Crappy Childhood” theme week besides... I couldn’t wait ten months to post it.]

Vincent: Another great song, Michelle. I particularly like:

Christmas Eve, I'd lie in bed awake
Listening for reindeer
Praying hard that Santa could make one mistake

I can just see a little kid in bed muttering, "Please, please, please," over and over.

Michelle: Ha! I'm so glad you got the visual, Vincent!
I spent several years as a kid trying to figure out how exactly Santa could discern the kids who celebrated Christmas from the ones who didn't. I decided Santa must have something like superpowers - telepathy and an acute sense of smell (to smell the cookies left out for him). The debacle that followed involved a Ouiji board, an Easy-Bake oven, a smoke alarm and our next door neighbor's wreath. This resulted in my parents having to debunk the whole Santa fantasy for me once and for all.

Pathetic, but true story.


On being Jewish at Christmas-time...

War on Christmas? Feh!

Not here in my neck of the San Fernando Valley, where literally every house, and I mean, EVERY house on the block has lights up, including my own. I might add that several families inside those houses on my block are Jewish, um, including my own. No one wants to be the buzz kill, I guess.

Some big faker on Fox news thought he could create some kind of anti-PC frenzy by fanning this non-story. But ask any Jewish person you know - it ain't so.

Christmas still kicks the ass of any other December holiday. I don't EXPECT any one to look at me and say "Happy Chanuka" in all seriousness... in fact... I'd probably think they were f**king with me if they did. "Merry Christmas," "Happy Holidays"... it all sounds like "blah blah blah blah blah." It's just something retailers say this time of year instead of ‘have a nice day." I know, I know, you want to put the "Christ" back in Christmas. If you care that much about the religious part, why not wish me a happy Day of the Second Assumption as well, huh? You won't - because it's all about Christmas, The Season.

Yeah, I get really ornery about this whole "war on Christmas" nonsense. The phrase "Happy Holidays" may seem like an attack on all-things-Christian to Bill O Reilly, but from where I stand, it's a tiny little nod to the possibility that other holidays exist. That's all. No one is trying to undermine the awesomeness of the day, believe me. That would be like shooting spitballs at the sun.

Personally, I'm looking forward to having the day off with nothing to do but watch movies and order Chinese take out.




"Even Jews Get the Blues (on Christmas)"


Middle of December
Feeling a familiar malaise
Tinsel in the windows
Red and green for miles
And I'm down for days

So much something over nothing to do
But a lame blockbuster movie and some Chinese food...

Even Jews Get the Blues on Christmas
Even Chanuka babes feel the crush
We all eat too much, don't drink enough
And pray for New Years Day
Even Jews get the blues on Christ.... Mas

Back when I was younger
Christmas Eve, I'd lie in bed awake
Listening for reindeer
Praying hard that Santa could make one mistake

But I'm finally accepting my plight
Either marry me a Catholic or give up the fight

Even Jews Get the Blues on Christmas
Even atheists and Muslims feel the pain
Of the endless whines, the last on lines
And so much left to do
Even Jews get the blues on Christ.... Mas

Chanuka Shmanuka, everyone knows it's Christmas-lite
As if candles and latkes are meant to be some consolation prize
Though I can't spin a dreidle, I know all the verses to Silent Night

Even Jews Get the Blues on Christmas
Even Buddhists could lose all their zen
From the crowded malls, the decked out halls
On someone else's day
Even Jews get the blues on Christ.... Mas
And I'll sing the songs, it won't be long
Cause Santa's on his way (but not for me)
Even Jews get the blues on Christ.... Mas


MP3 of “Even the Jews Get The Blues..” available here.