As I was talking to Diva, she made a tiny comment that floored me. She found an old award she had gotten and was going to put it on her self esteem wall. I don’t know what the normal people of the world do, but me and my posse of the depressed often have really bad days when we get very down on ourselves and can dig a very deep hole. It had never occurred to me to put together a wall or a notebook of the things I have done right or the nice things people have told me.
I really shouldn’t beat myself up -- the world will do that for me. I am starting such a book. In the past I would have looked at it as being too proud of myself. If I put my head up -- someone is bound to take it off. I grew up the youngest kid in a Catholic family and have the bruises to prove it. I also went to public school when they graded on the curve. The other students have a way of hunting in packs and attacking anyone who they thought was ruining the curve. Mediocrity will always protect itself.
That is why I don’t brag -- but that has hurt me ever since. I now realize something: I have depression and on those days when the world falls apart I can haul such a book out and run through my own Bedford Falls realizing that it is a wonderful life.
Very nicely written...I especially appreciate the sentence "Mediocrity will always protect itself".
ReplyDeleteVincent: You and your posse have forgotten more about higher achievement than most people will ever know! The ability to climb out of those depressed days only conditions you to conquer the future. Those that never have the challenges you all have endured usually don't surface! One small crisis in their lives and the "World is Over" for them. Sometimes there are real reasons to experience depression or as I refer to "down days". Life is not perfect! But as long as you can brush your knees off and keep going...you are healthy and capable of reaching your highest goals! And if you have one of those days that you just can't seem to upright yourself, call me and I will brush off your knees and send you on your way! You are one of my heros!
ReplyDeleteThank you both!!
ReplyDeleteThis is a special glimpse inside of your life. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteI agree with OceanGeek. Only the people who have survived much have the depth in their character to overcome the tough stuff that life throws at us.